Kenny's Journal
by Cooked Brains
Summary: Enter into the mind of the drug-addicted guitar player of South Park. He talks about things in his life and how he lives it. Rated for language. All in Kenny's POV, obviously.
1. Entry 1 Survey

Well here's the multi-chaptered piece that I had in mind. It actually didn't occur to me to use this as a fanfic on here until after I wrote the first entry. Sorry for the lack of creativity in the title. Um. I'm not really sure what else to say, haha.

Disclaimer: Kenny likes to write random quotes/lyrics in his journal, so any of those (they will be italicized) I will just say they aren't mine. Also, all stories told in here are of fictional people and based off fictional events so any names/events that actually relate to anybody are entirely coincidental. Based off true events will be noted. And of course, **South Park isn**'**t mine**.

Note: In here, Kenny's 22.

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**Kenny**'**s** **Journal**.

Pre-pages.

_Life is Beautiful._

_You can't quit until you try  
__You can't live until you die  
You can't learn to tell the truth_

Until you learn to lie  
You can't breathe until you choke  
You gotta laugh when you're the joke

There's nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive  
Just open your eyes  
Just open your eyes  
And see that life is beautiful  
Will you swear on your life  
That no one will cry at my funeral?

I know some things that you don't  
I've done things that you won't  
There's nothing like a trail of blood to find your way back home

I was waiting for my hearse  
What came next was so much worse  
It took a funeral to make me feel alive

Just open your eyes  
Just open your eyes  
And see that life is beautiful  
Will you swear on your life  
That no one will cry at my funeral?

Date. Who knows.  
Time. No one really cares.

"Please fill out this quiz as honestly as possible. If you are unsure about an answer, please insert 'N/A' into the blank. Thank you."

Name: Kenneth McCormick

Nickname: Kenny

Race/Ethnicity: White (Irish)

The feature I get most compliments on are my: voice

My worst habit is: all the drugs I do (mostly coke)

The movie I watch over and over is: any gore/horror flick

My friends always make fun of me for: being poor

I am absolutely terrified of: clowns + the dark

I'm not as tired as I look.

On a random Saturday afternoon, I can be found: playing my guitar or partying

I feel sexiest in: dreads. haha joking

The one thing I know now I wish I knew five years ago is: how to handle things better

I have a crush on: all the Playboy bunnies

My favorite part of my body is: my hands

If I had a song it would be: Sixx:AM - Life is Beautiful

You'd be surprised to find out that I've never: tried shrooms

The best gift I've ever been given was: my 22nd bday bash from every single person I know.

My favorite kind of date is: the one that just has sex

A place I'd like to visit someday is: the inner depths of hell

Favorite food: tuna casserole

Favorite music genre: SCREAMO!

Favorite color: blood red, black, orange + white

Hobbies: playin tunes, singin/writin tunes, holdin parties, chillin around

If I had to give advice to someone about life I would say: Just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful.

Name one thing about yourself not mentioned in this quiz: I'm afraid of commitment.

Comments? To everybody I've come into contact with: I love you all

Signed

Kenny McCormick

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Alright, I know it was just a survey and stuff, but that's only the beginning. After this is when the actual entries start. A friend of mine gave me a blank survey with those questions on it and I filled them out as him. It was just to give you a quick look to see what Kenny's personality is like. Of course this survey makes him look like all depressed and stuff, but later on you'll soon notice that he's not really like that.

Thanks for reading!


	2. Entry 1

Alright, now we get onto the entries! Sorry these are pretty short, but I promise the more entries are written, the longer they will get. Just bear with me here! You can't say Kenny's a guy who loves writing, either. Haha.

Disclaimer: I do not own South Park! Or any lyrics.

* * *

**Kenny**'**s** **Journal**.

Normally I find journals and diaries pretty lame and pointless but I was suggested by someone to start writing in one so they can read it and can "figure me out" more. I don't know why. They said something about drugs and my nose bleeds and fucked up mind but I stopped caring at that point. I think maybe they're trying to be a fuckin counselor or something. Whatever I guess. Apparently just by talkin about anything they can find out shit about my personality. Haha, that's kinda funny. Well let's see if they can figure me out if I talk about tape.

I fuckin hate tape. Yeah like scotch tape. I hate it. I can't use it right and it's too sticky. Fuck tape, I'd rather use something like string to put things together. Wouldn't that be way more easier? I mean really. String can hold anything together. Maybe I'm just biased because I play guitar. Or maybe I'm just a straight up string fan. Seriously man, tape is gay.

I guess I could talk about my survey shit on the other page. Anybody who doesn't know me will soon find out that I'm a huge drug addict. Yeah I know, I'm gonna get fucked up, I'm going to die, blah blah fuckin blah. I've heard it all already and now I just don't really care what the fuck happens to me anymore. I'm already gonna die anyway, so what's the point in stopping now? I've been a pot smoker for practically 10 years now (bad, I know, because I'm 22). I've been a coke addict for maybe 7 or 8 years. I have no doubt I'm going to die at age 33. But I don't care. Coke is my life, after music and partying. I can't live without it and believe it or not I've tried quitting multiple times. I just can't get away from it. I'm not trying to for my own benefits, because I think coke benefits my life more than anything, but I'm doing it for the people who really care about me. See I have a best friend who actually cares for my existence. If I died today, he wouldn't say "Damn no more Kenny for parties," he'd be like "Damn I just lost a good friend who was cool to hang with." He's one of the few people who would say the latter first. He's what actually convinced me that my problems are really big problems and that, if I can't quit all together, I should cut down by at least 50. Even that's hard for me though. But I'm trying. No really, I am.


	3. Entry 2

So the reason why I'm posting 4 chapters at a time is because these are all really short, like I said before. BUT! They will get longer, I promise. For now, just bear with me. Please don't stop reading because these chapters are ridiculously short. You have to realize that when you type stuff out it turns out to be A LOT more shorter than it is when you actually write it. This entry's a little longer, but hopefully it's quality that hooks you guys in. Unless I'm terribly horrible at trying to write as Kenny. If this sucks incredibly, just tell me, I won't mind. XD I'd rather be told that I suck as a writer than humiliating myself by updating this all the time.

Disclaimer: I don't own South Park. Or any lyrics that may be written.

* * *

**Kenny**'**s** **Journal**.

I don't convince myself very well. It's been a while since I've written in here already. I didn't even finish the first fuckin entry. What good am I going to be if I can't write in a fuckin journal? Well like I said I'm not really into diaries anyway but I'm still trying. I'm not really a player for commitment, so it's hard for me to keep up with anything except my deals and my guitars.

Yeah sometimes I wish I could keep a girl for more than a couple or few months but it's hard. I end up breaking up with her because I don't want me, or her, getting attached. It's fucked up. I have--or rather had--a girl who was my girlfriend for 3 or 4 times. Each time I dated her for no more than 5 months, except the second time which was 7. I didn't lover, but I liked her a lot. That's why I kept coming back to her. I thought that maybe my fear of committing myself to someone or something could end with her. I didn't plan on being with her the rest of my life, fuck no, I wouldn't do that even if I wasn't commitment phobic. But I thought she'd be able to break me. She didn't though. She couldn't. That's why she kept coming back to me as well--she would never stop trying. She cared for me so much that she was willing to do anything to keep me. I love her for that but I don't _love_ her. I've never felt any closer to anyone in my entire life. The girlfriends I've had before and after her don't compare to her. Shit if all the girls I had sex with combined to form some giant superbeing they'd still never compare with her because they'd never be her.

There's sometimes I wish I never got into the shit I did. No I'm not talking about drugs. I'm talking about girls. They cause too much fuckin problems with their capability to get pregnant. My friend and I were briefly talking about the pregnancy scares we had in our lives. I had a few. I never had any kids though.

Any that survived.

I had a kid, to be honest. Thing is, it wasn't born. Still mine, though, right? Anyway, the girl who was pregnant with it was so much of a druggie the kid ended up dying something during its brain development stage. I heard that if the father does drugs and shit it can also kill the baby because the drugs go into your system. So I could have been a reason that kid died before it had a chance at life. In all honesty, I was kind of bummed out but I was relieved at the same time. I wouldn't be able to take care of another human being, I can already hardly take care of myself. I know its mom would drop the thing to be a weight on my shoulders so she can go out to party. Fuck that shit. She would've gave birth to it, she has to take care of it. I was only looking for a good time. Well it wasn't born anyway so I shouldn't get too worked up over it.

Sometimes I kind of wish I had a kid. I wish it popped out at age 16 though--old enough to take care of itself. I also wish it wouldn't have to involve a woman. If I was able to have a kid on my very own that would fuckin rule. Fuck adoption. The kid would have to be a spitting image of me. Well, look like me enough to tell people that it's mine. I want a daughter. I don't know what the fuck I'd name her, but it'd be something sweet. She'd be hot too. She'll get all the hot guys chasing after her. She'd probably have rockin tits.

_I watch the smoke start to rise. One hundred homes, one hundred fires. Everything you own now burns away. This town is no longer mine. It's fucked with me for the last time. How I wish that I could see your face._

_Between the light and shallow ways is where I'm going to die._

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Well, tell me what you guys think! Also, if you can guess who Kenny's on-and-off girlfriend was, I will…um. Congratulate you. XD Or draw you a picture of the two or something. I don't know.

Lyrics are always up for guessing! I ain't rewarding anybody for that. XD The lyrics are from two different songs though. Same artist.

By the way, when Kenny said "hot guys," he meant that they'd be hot to his daughter. KENNY IS STRAIGHT! Keep that in mind. I don't want to ruin Kenny's awesomeness with the likes of gay. He's just not meant for boy on boy action.

Thanks for reading!

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	4. Entry 3

Chapter 4 of 4 submitted to the first round of entries! I'm guessing I will just upload a few chapters at the same time to keep readers reading for a while. Probably 3-5, depending on the length of the entries.

Obviously, Nikki Sixx is a real person, so that's my note for this entry. Also, the story involved with him is actually true. Just in case nobody knew.

Disclaimer: I do not own South Park! Or any lyrics that may be written. Obviously not Nikki Sixx, Motley Crüe, or 'Kick Start My Heart' either.

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**Kenny**'**s** **Journal**.

_So make sure you love like you've never been hurt. And when you dance, dance like there's no one watching you…_

If there was any person in the world I'd be jealous of it'd be Nikki Sixx. I love that guy. His alias is such a porno name. Maybe he's looking for his Nyne. He was a pretty great man. Well, he IS. I made it sound like he died. Anyway, I don't think he was great because he was a heroin addict. I think he's great because he got over his addiction. That takes fuckin will power. I admire him for that because I know I'd never be able to do that myself. Not only did he get over his addiction, but he was married to 2 fuckin Playboy bunnies! What a lucky shit. I'd give ANYTHING to be married to a Playboy bunny. His stories are amazing too. For example, when he fuckin ODed on some heroin that some guy offered him. The doctors claimed him officially dead but his one doctor wouldn't give up and ended up bringing him back to life. Fuckin Nikki Sixx died. But was revived. That's just fuckin killer right there. That story was what inspired 'Kick Start My Heart' by the way, when he was in Crüe. Fuck, he's so cool.

I hate when I move my eyes too fast I get dizzy.

You know for some reason people like to come to me for their problems. I never really give people advice. Maybe it's because I actually sit there and listen to them. I know a lot of people don't like to listen to people's problems unless it involves them. Sometimes I give them advice, but usually the shit I say I don't really think is helpful. I guess it all matters on how you interpret things.

I've had a lot of people come up to me and tell me straight out they're gay. Do I look like a kind of guy who's just comfortable coming out to? I'm not complaining, really. I just didn't think I'd have so many of my friends come out to me. A lot of them it was their first time because they don't know what to do. Most of them were younger than me. Probably 3 or 4 years younger. Damn little kids. Seems the generations are getting gayer. I think it might have to do with the war. But I don't like talking about that subject.

It's amazing how many gay friends I have. I know a friend of mine who just got married yesterday actually. The best part, he's not even gay. The guy who he married is gay though. They're both pretty cool. I would've went to the wedding but I don't do weddings. Anyway, so my friend married a guy but he's not gay. He's not that bisexual shit either. He just fell in love with another dude. It's pretty cool, and the gay one isn't a huge flamer either. Actually I didn't know the guy was gay until my senior year of high school. He just doesn't look gay.

Fuck bisexuality. I don't believe a person can be bisexual. I think it's a phase or you're just looking for sex from one of the genders. Like if you're a chick claimin you're bisexual, I think she'd actually be straight. Like she falls in love with guys but just likes to make out with girls. No emotions, just physical attraction. Sexuality to me depends on love, not sexual feelings. But it makes me sound like I believe in "free love." I'm actually straight, I just believe more in love I guess. haha. Kind of ironic.

Last night there was a huge fuckin thunderstorm. I woke up during the worst part of it. I was probably only awake for 10 minutes but during that 2 huge rumbles of thunder shook the entire house. I seriously thought the house was gonna fuckin collapse. Thunderstorms are pretty sweet. I like looking at the lightning and hearing the harsh pounding of rain. As for thunder, I only like listening to it if it's soft rumbling. Not the huge mother fuckers that make you think your house is gonna fall apart. One thing that's cool is when you're staring out the window then all of a sudden a fuckin lightning bolt strikes right outside the window. Practically in your face and it lights up everything and blinds you momentarily. The fright you get, the sudden shock of surprise, it's amazing. I love feeling rushes like that. Like the thrill of someone holding a knife to your throat…

_This burden's not a heavy one. Not a heavy one_.

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So tell me what you're thinkin' so far! Again sorry for the shortness but ever so slowly they're increasing in length…

Also, as said before, lyrics are always up for guessing! Remember, they are the ones written in italics. Here there are two different song lyrics, same artist. So far I've been really only sticking to one artist, haha. That'll change soon.

Thanks for reading!


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